--- o Pain or Empathy II o ---

   The fresh air and silence were a pleasant change; now seated in a small enclave outside, Elly leaned on the stone wall and turned her attention to the darkened skies threatening rains above. A wave of tiredness flushed over her like the sudden pressure change in a room, but her mind remained wired to her role and the ever-present thrum of chaos that permeated the very walls of the Monastery.

   Her eyes took a moment to adjust to the lighting, or lack thereof. The skies were dull yet clear enough where she could see the four moons all in various stages of their cycles, seated in their own section of the firmament. Moments like these made her homesick, reminding her of the long nights she had sat beneath the stars while Veld told her all kinds of stories. ❛ I wonder — ❜ It had been about eight months since she arrived at the Monastery, yet it felt like years.

   ❝ Here. Drink this. ❞

   Narda broke her train of thought as she handed her a cup of what appeared to be hot cocoa, something of a commodity these days, and a favourite of Elly’s. Elly perked up at this, and she took the cup in hand and admired its warmth before taking a sip. And milk too? Surely this was a gift from the gods.

   ❝ Were’dya’ get this? ❞ Elly asked, a little surprised at the sight of the cauldron bubbling with the milky-brown gold she could just see through the doors. And her own, she sipped sparingly. It was far more bitter than she expected, either from the lack of sugar or, judging by the scent, being mixed with coffee. Elly frankly hated coffee, but she sure as hell wasn’t going to turn it down now.

   ❝ Hywel. They sent supplies and included some extras as a th—thank-you for our hard work. ❞ Fixing her glasses, Narda replied as she got busy shuffling through paper and parchment for the day’s ledger, hastily jotting down the notes she had taken on foot. Her nose curled as she turned to face Elly, who was lighting a cigarette.

   ❝ Hey! What the hell are you doing with that? ❞ Narda frowned and moved to bat it from her hand, though Elly shifted so she missed.

   ❝ Took’it from one of the soldiers, ❞ Elly shrugged, though she coughed when inhaling the frankly vile-tasting smoke. She hated them, but they helped with the nerves and were way better than the needle. ❝ They don’ need’it anymore. ❞

   ❝ You shouldn’t smoke, it’s bad for your health. ❞ Narda was more concerned about her health than anything, and Elly was way too young to be doing something like that to begin with. But vices such as this were frowned upon in the Sisterhood, even if most had at least one or two. Even Lady Fowler herself smoked.

   ❝ And what happens if someone catches you with it? You know how much trouble you’ll be in for breaking oath? ❞

   ❝ Then, Sister Medley keep off tha sacramental wine? ❞ Elly interjected with no small hint of sarcasm, clearly a little irritated from the lecture, though not toward Narda, who only had her best of health in mind. But the so-called oathsworn Sisters couldn’t make up their minds about vices and practices on how to avoid them. Who gives a fuck, Elly sure didn’t; hell, she wasn’t even a sworn member yet.

   ❝ That’s not— ❞ Narda breathed sharply, shaking her head at Elly. It was wrong, but Elly had a point. ❝ What if Iris catches you doing that? ❞

   The mere mention of Iris caused Elly to choke on the smoke and promptly put it out. There was no way in hell she would want to piss her off, or even disappoint her. ❝ Fine, I’ll stop. ❞

   ❝ Oh! What is yer’s? ❞ Elly asked, almost too casually. She only shifted her attention back to Narda when she had no reply, to which her friend stood frozen on the spot, poorly hiding how beet red her whole face was. Now, this was interesting. By how she was now humming to herself, she was clearly ignoring her. ❝ Oi! ❞

   ❝ Hm?! ❞ Narda almost jumped out of her skin, refusing to look in her direction. Surely, the rumours of her habits weren’t all true. Right? Well, she wasn’t going to get an answer out of her, though she did try a few more times to prod one out of her. ❝ Nothing! ❞

   Now that she had a moment to collect herself, Elly only now noticed how cold it was without the heat of so many people cramped into one room. The evening chill felt sharper than it had in the past few days; the dull ache of her prosthetic reminded her how much she hates the cold with a fiery passion. Each pulse only deepened her yearning for the warm seasons; thankfully, the mild climate of Alestia seldom bears its winter fangs, and snow was kept to the mountains where it belongs.

   ❝ You haven’t been looking after yourself, have you? ❞ A now calm Narda looked over to see Elly rolling her shoulder with mild discomfort. ❝ That prosthetic will get infected if you don’t take care of it. ❞

   ❝ I know. ❞ Elly nodded in agreement, straining herself to respond. ❝ Think Judge needa’ look it — But can’t jus’ up and leave. ❞

   ❝ Can’t he drop in? ❞ Narda asked. She was well aware of the journey and how dangerous it was with the ongoing war, but it went both ways, and she’d rest easier knowing Elly wouldn’t have to make the trek herself.

   ❝ Maybe. ❞ Only now noticing them, Elly reached for a small pile of stale cakes that were worse for wear, but still edible. ❝ But I should pop in. Pop in an’ see tha old man. ❞ She added, with a mouthful of dry sponge cake.

   ❝ I think we are expecting a shipment from Veld soon, maybe Judge might tag along. ❞ Narda added, with a slight chuckle. ❝ No doubt he won’t take the chance to pester us as he always does. ❞

   ❝ True. ❞ Elly groaned at the thought, remembering how overbearing Veld could be at times, but she’d be lying if the thought didn’t put a smile on her face.

   ❝ You should get some sleep; you look like you need it. ❞ Narda observed how her friend kept nodding off, but refused to let herself give in.

   ❝ Soon —Scirocco’ll take over when she’s up. ❞ Elly yawned, shaking off the tiredness before she downed the rest of her still-hot drink.

   ❝ Narda. ❞ Elly asked after a long moment of silence between them.  She had been thinking long and hard about Narda’s earlier comment.

   ❝ Yes? ❞ Narda replied as she turned her attention back to Elly, who seemed lost in her thoughts.

   ❝ Does it —ever get easier? ❞ Elly asked, almost whispering as she stared blankly at the space before her.

   Narda paused, a little surprised at such a question, ❝ No, I don’t think so. ❞ Lying would do little good, and she remembered the words someone both of them held close, once said to her. ❝ But you’ll never be alone with that pain. We all share this burden, but we don’t carry it as a mark of shame, but as a badge of honour that we hold close as a reminder to our creed, and a promise that we may save others. ❞

   ❝ And maybe, just maybe, those we do save will, in turn, pass that kindness to reach those we cannot. ❞

   ❛  Pain? Is that what this is? ❜

--- o Pain or Empathy I o ---